Heartless?
by anneikenskywalker
Summary: Philip returns the night of the last scene of Season 1 and awakens Elizabeth...Something she thinks is the result of a drunken night out with Mike after her husband's meeting with the Olympic Committee President, but is actually a step forward for Philip, who makes meaningful conversation and confessions of true love and devotion.


Elizabeth's eyes opened when she heard Philip's footsteps in the hall between their bedrooms and turned underneath the sheets as she heard her door gently pushed open.

"Elizabeth?" he called out softly, his voice unsteady

After the words that had passed between them recently, part of her wanted nothing more than to stay at an impasse with him and just to pretend to be asleep as she had done many nights lately.

But, there was another part of her, however, that remembered the pleading look in Philip's eyes when he came to see her in the throne room before he left earlier that day.

"Don't dress betrayal up as a favor." was her husband's assessment of his upcoming trip.

Those words had stung her.

Elizabeth didn't like going behind her husband's back, consulting with others as to how to get him to 'settle' in their marriage and become part of the true working monarchy. In fact, she now regretted asking her Mother and Tommy for advice at all.

But, at the time, she and Philip had been struggling, fighting and consistently in a tug of war battle.

Her husband was a free spirit...her complete opposite in many ways.

She knew that from the day she married him.

In fact, that is what first attracted her to the tall, tan, athletic Prince of Greece.

Elizabeth never expected to tame him and to her surprise and great happiness, after they married he proved immediately to be a good husband and father...until she became Queen.

That seemed to be the wedge between them lately.

Perhaps, she often told herself, it was because Philip didn't grow up in a working monarchy the way she had. Or perhaps, it was the fact that he and his young wife were thrust directly into the position of Queen and consort decades earlier than anyone expected.

Elizabeth sucked in a breath of slight exasperation and rolled over, turning on the light on her bedside table and slowly sitting up and revealing herself to her husband.

Philip immediately straightened, letting go of the doorknob and his eyes softening as he beheld her soft white nightdress billowing about her where the blankets were pulled back.

"May I come in?" he asked, clearing his throat nervously

"Are you drunk?" Elizabeth asked with a raised eyebrow

"No." Philip responded, taken aback

"Are you going to pick a fight?" Elizabeth tilted her head with a smirk

"No," Philip chuckled, holding up his hands in surrender

"Very well," Elizabeth nodded, relenting

Philip loosened his tie as he entered the room, shedding his jacket too as he went and tossed both, with amazing accuracy, onto a nearby chair.

"And how was your meeting with the Olympic committee chairman?" Elizabeth asked, folding her hands stoically in her lap, "Did he agree to the proposal Tommy suggested... to add a royal tour to the Olympic opening?"

Philip smirked, then looked down as he said in a low voice, "Fine…and _yes…"_ then he sighed as he came to stand at the end of her bed, ready to take a seat on the small sofa there, when he suddenly saw Elizabeth shift under the covers and move to one side of the bed, making room for him.

Philip narrowed his eyes in surprise and Elizabeth's only response was a small smile as she nodded toward the empty side.

Elizabeth watched as Philip walked around the end of the bed, unbuttoning his dress shirt as he went, and pulling it off of his shoulders as he sat down on the edge of the bed with his back to his wife.

"But, I don't _want_ to go…like I said earlier today, I don't _want_ to be away from you or the children that long…" then his voice dropped to a whisper, "I _meant_ that."

That was nice to hear. When he had told her about adding a five month tour to the opening of the Olympic games in Sydney before he left for the meeting, Elizabeth had thought it was to injure her, because deep down they both knew that it would only make things worse to be apart so long.

Still, commitments had to be honored and Elizabeth's heart sank a little as she watched her husband toss his dress shirt aside, then pull his white undershirt over his head to reveal his bare chest, shoulders and back, and knowing that Philip _would_ be going on the tour-that she would be without him for months.

"You left in the early afternoon—it's quite late, now," Elizabeth said, trying to put the thought out of her mind, "Where have you been?"

"I attended the meeting, then I stopped by to see Mike. We had dinner, then I came home a couple of hours ago. I've—I've been in the children's room…I was…" Philip paused as he tossed the undershirt and the dress shirt toward the chair.

He then rubbed his hands nervously on his thighs, not looking up or back at his wife, "I was watching them sleep. I do that sometimes when I need to gather my thoughts…when I have something serious to think about—"

Elizabeth's face instantly softened and a small smile crossed her lips as she reached out and placed a gentle hand on his shoulder.

When their skin touched, Philip stopped speaking and finally turned around to look into his wife's bright blue eyes.

After a moment, he brought his hand up to cover hers on his shoulder, then took it into his grasp and kissed it, holding it to his lips for a long time as his eyes stayed locked with hers.

"What's on your mind?" she whispered, her eyes turning kind and worried

A small smirked crossed Philip's lips as he pulled them back from her hand.

He was talking to his Elizabeth now, not the Queen of England, _his_ Elizabeth.

And it suddenly seemed as if a dynamic shifted in the room. Something that hadn't happened in awhile.

Philip swallowed, then looked back down to their entwined hands, before bringing them to his chest.

"Yesterday evening, before Winston's dinner, when you put me in my place and called me out, telling me that I was the only man you've ever loved and dared me to look you in the eye and say the same…that was _…brave…"_ then his voice dropped in shame, taking Elizabeth aback, "and I _deserved it. "_

Elizabeth straightened at his words, but dutifully kept her emotions behind the Windsor mask she had inherited from her father.

Philip continued, "I've had time to sort through my frustration and anger and think and reflect on what you said… and I've decided that I should finally respond…." he suddenly shifted under her intense gaze, "I was—well, I was rather put on the spot the other night and you left before I could say anything—" he said defensively, then turned his head and softened his voice before turning it back to look her square in the face, "So, as your husband, I'm looking you in the eye, _now,_ and telling you that you _aren't_ the _only_ woman I've ever had, Elizabeth. As a young man, I had others—all the rumors are true— not many, but there _were_ others. And I admit that many times my eyes may still stray...but..."

Elizabeth closed her eyes in acceptance as Philip paused for a moment and a soft smile instantly crossed his face as he continued before his wife could open her eyes again and respond, "But, I fell in love with _you_ , Elizabeth. I _am_ in love with you. Truth be told, you are the _only_ person I have _ever_ had in my life who has ever truly loved _me,_ unabashedly and unconditionally— _me_ —the _real_ me—Philip, exiled Prince of Greece and Denmark, faults and all…and…and that has meant more to me than you'll _ever know_ ….."

Philip watched as the mask slowly began to fall away and the tears began to well in his wife's still closed eyes.

When she didn't speak, he continued, "The day before our wedding, when I signed my life away and agreed that I was gaining the greatest prize on earth…." he said, bringing his free hand to rest gently on the side of her face, "I want you to know that I meant that with _all my heart_ and despite our tempers, despite my ego, despite _everything_ we've been through these last seven years…I _still_ believe it."

He brushed his thumb over her cheek and Elizabeth opened her eyes.

Philip shifted slightly closer, his eyes meeting hers intently, "I should have believed you when you told me that you and Lord Porchester were just friends—"

"Yes," Elizabeth interjected adamantly, "You _should have."_

" _I know._ And _I'm sorry_ ," Philip replied, letting out a sigh, "I shouldn't have been so _hard_ on you about your duty….I shouldn't have criticized you and egged you on about Margaret….it was…it was all just ego…ego and _fear,_ I suppose—"

"Fear?" Elizabeth inquired, her brow furrowing

Her husband was the last person who she had ever expected to admit a moment of fear.

Philip nodded slowly then asked, "Do you remember when we first met?"

Elizabeth nodded with a reverent smile.

"I do too," Philip smiled back, "And what I remember _most_ is _that_ smile," he said, nodding toward her, "You were only thirteen then, but when your father introduced us at the Naval College and you took my hand with such confidence and smiled that bright, but shy smile at me, your eyes twinkling…. I remember thinking, 'What a beautiful, glorious, thing…'"

Philip looked down to their hands, still intertwined, "I lost of piece of my heart to you right then and there, I suppose,…."

After a moment, he looked up to meet his wife's eyes again, "And _then_ , I asked your father's permission to write to you and we exchanged letters for years…each letter making me fall more and more in love with you than the previous one. And there went _another_ piece of my heart."

"Philip..." Elizabeth whispered, seemingly touched by his words and Philip took it as a good sign and inched closer to her, "And _then_ the day I proposed and you agreed to be my wife—another piece…. The day you married me— _another piece_ …When you became the mother of my son and then my daughter, two more pieces of my heart ended up with you."

Finally when they were mere inches apart and Philip could smell her perfume and night cream, he whispered, "And even now _, still_ , _every day_ , there are little moments when another piece of my heart flies your way, I'm afraid… it's just _unavoidable_."

Elizabeth looked down shyly and swallowed under her husband's intense gaze

"And, then when I saw you with Porchey, I just … _snapped,"_ Philip continued, trying to meet her gaze, _"_ I was wrong to do so. But, I think I was just afraid of losing you…"

There was a long pause as Philip ran the finger of his free hand down from Elizabeth's cheek to her jawline and then to her chin, before finally taking hold of it and bringing his wife's gaze up to meet his again.

"People say that…well, that I'm I am _heartless..."_

"I wouldn't say heartless..." Elizabeth shrugged, "Perhaps, cheeky, outspoken..."

"Yes, _yes_!" Philip chided, dropping his hand from her chin, then his face turned serious again, "But, those things don't hurt me nearly as badly as the idea of being called 'heartless'. When I first heard that, I thought to myself 'How can that _possibly_ be true? When my Elizabeth has collected all the pieces of my heart over the years and is keeping it safe for me?" Then his face softened, "So that is why I cannot lose you, Elizabeth, because I would surely die—I would surely die without my heart."

Elizabeth was stunned by his affectionate words. She couldn't speak.

They locked eyes for a long moment, then Philip said, "There is something I never told you. Something that haunts me still to this day..."

"What is it?" Elizabeth encouraged, swallowing

Philip took a breath and straightened, "Not long before your father died, he took me shooting."

"I remember," Elizabeth affirmed with a sad smile

"Before we shoved off that day, he looked over to me and told me that you were my responsibility. That I was giving up my career, yes, but that there was no greater act of patriotism, loyalty or _love_ than standing at your side when the time came _._ I told him that I understood what he was saying...and I _still_ remember his response _so clearly_ , 'Do you boy?' he said to me, 'Do you _really_?'."

Philip paused and looked down in shame, "I told him I did...", then he let his head fall back and sighed as he closed his eyes, "I didn't have a _damn clue_."

When a few seconds passed and he didn't bring his head forward, Elizabeth touched his chest with her free hand.

"Philip?"

When her husband raised his head to face her again, she saw the guilt on his face.

Suddenly, Elizabeth moved forward and captured Philip's lips in a passionate kiss, feeling Philip's hands immediately move to cup the sides of her face as he kissed her back deeply, then his hands move to wrap around her waist as he pulled her closer to him.

When they finally broke apart, Philip rested his forehead against hers and closed his eyes for a long moment before she whispered, "Neither of us could have known what we were in for..."

"I know, but I shouldn't have been such _an ass_ about it all," Philip said, opening his eyes, "Sometimes, though, I just-I just can't _help_ it."

"I know," Elizabeth sighed, opening hers as well, "And I _hate_ you for it sometimes...but I also _love_ you for it, too. No one could ever challenge me or make me think about things the way you do...I just wish that you would be my ally more times than my enemy."

"I could never be your enemy, Elizabeth, not _truly_. I _love you_. I may not say it all the time, but know it to be true. For the rest of our lives, we may fight, we may disagree, and I may challenge you, but I will always stay, I'll _never_ leave you..."

"Actually, I hear that you're leaving on a five month tour..." Elizabeth replied cheekily, trying to break the tension, though her heart sang at the words that had come from her husband's lips.

"You know what I mean!" Philip scoffed with a laugh, cocking his head and Elizabeth giggled

Then after a moment, when the teasing had passed, Elizabeth replied to her husband

"I _do_." she said solemnly

" _Always_ …" Philip said softly, his eyes full of kindness, love and devotion

Elizabeth flushed, "Always?"

"Always." Philip affirmed

"Well then..." Elizabeth said, shifting herself out from under the covers and climbing up onto her husband's lap as she wrapped her arms around his neck and whispered against his lips, "Will you stay with me tonight? Just stop talking and love me now?"

"Well," Phillip joshed, rubbing his nose against hers, "I _am_ going to be gone for five months..."

Elizabeth smiled as Philip captured her lips in a passionate kiss and pulled her closer to him as their kiss grew deeper.

" _Easy_ , Commander Mountbatten," Elizabeth chided, breathless as she pulled back, "You have to save your strength for the tour..."

"Oh, don't worry. I plan to let you do all the work, Darling," Philip teased with a raised eyebrow, "You _are_ the Queen after all."

Then in one swift movement, he flipped them over on the bed, his wife landing on top of him.

"You impossible man..." she laughed as he leaned forward and kissed him deeply, closing her eyes in pleasure as she felt his hand began to move under her nightgown.


End file.
